Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
