Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
