I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
