i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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