look no pants
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
