He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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