ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
