Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
