I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just google imaged poop.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
