I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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