i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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