i permit you to call me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
