Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
