that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
