Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i came on her dog
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
