The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You ruined the universe
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
