i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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