Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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