im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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