Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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