the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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