You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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