It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
