FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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