Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
