waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
