i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
