I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
