I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
