she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
