i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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