Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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