my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
