I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
