i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
