he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
