make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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