you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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