I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
