life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
