I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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