I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
