you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
