It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
