Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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