My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this just has baby written all over it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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