so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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