Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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