i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
