she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dear god my vagina.
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