YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize