That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
