My sheets look like a crime scene.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
