dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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