if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
