Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
